he wants to bone in the snuggie
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
