Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
