i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
