I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
