You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
