watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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