I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
