I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
