I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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