my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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