She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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