I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
