he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
ok first of all what the fuck
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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