Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
