Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she told me i tasted like america
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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