Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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