Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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