So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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