Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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