Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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