idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
