i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
