**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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