I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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