we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
