Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
