Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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