After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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