I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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