now i know why i became what i already was.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
