Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I want you more than these girls want KFC
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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