Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
