watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
