i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
