She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
