I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
