Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
