i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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