Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
