"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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