She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
