I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
