And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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