Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
