Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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