A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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