no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
