I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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