note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
