He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
