I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
splinters make it hard to masturbate
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
