So drunk its hurt
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
