I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
